The work of time-out

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The method of time-out doesn’t change early planning of the tactics of training to rules, creation of the favorable environment; doesn’t free a parent from so necessary demonstration of responsiveness and attention in all cases of good behavior.

2-year-old children, for example, are not against trying parents’ patience by their bad behavior. No understanding, no training and analysis of the child’s psychology will not deliver parents from the necessity from time to time with an effort stop the naughtiness.

Time-out is just an additional method which can be applied when the other measures are not effective. Time-out presses the button during the violation of the important family rules, when somebody was injured (for example, when the child is fighting), then there is a danger (if a child is mounting at the table and pulling cat’s tail) or pranks become obviously provocative (a child is spitting or throwing a sand). Time-out is applied in the cases when a child knows the rule (and you know this) but he is violating it.

Time-out is not a simple punishment. Time-out allows adult from the verbal admonition move to the action without causing a pain to a child. The effectiveness of this method is reinforced by the fact that the parent is taking measures without irritation, without excessive demonstration of emotions and anger. So, if we take that 2-year-old child, who understood that you could be irritated by his pranks, he in inclined to continue them to watch after your nervousness. And if you keep cool, he will see you as an owner of the situation.

So, how does the time-out work? When a child is violating the rules, the parent reminds very calmly – “don’t fight” or “don’t pull cat’s tail”. Then he says – “so, it is necessary to arrange time-out”. Without any further discussions the parents takes a child to the special place for the time-out. This can be chair or a some corner. If the incident happens not at home, it is possible to use a bench in the park for this time-out. A child must stay at this place not for a long time, for example, for 2-year-old child it will be two minutes – but this is a long time for him. A parent must stay with a child to keep him in that place. In the end of time-out a child can continue his game. If the rule is violated again, time-out should be repeated. A stubborn child can again violate the rule aiming to tick off the parent. If the adult keeps cool and shows consistency, a child will be bored with the constant breaks in the game.

And what are the difficulties of time-out? Some children will sit calmly during the time-out and other will begin to protest. Some will be kicking, shouting and flew into the rage. It is very important that no child’s reaction tick you off. Even if the child was shouting and made faces the whole time of time-out, he must be free in two minutes. It is really important that a parent stays imperturbable. It is also important to remember that the parent’s goal is to show a child that his initial behavior was inadmissible. If a parent widens a region of the conflict (including the reaction of a child towards the time-out) and begin punishing a child for screaming and fit of anger, then he’ll simply forget that he had a time-out. If a child is running away from the place of time-out, it is necessary very calmly to bring him back. He can run away several times and it is possible that a parent should hold him. Although, this method is simple, its realization can turn into a difficult task. This is a child’s measure of force, his drive for the independence and stubbornness which he is inclined to show in his struggle with parent’s imperturbable power. If a child is very angry with you, you can become angry as well. However, it is necessary to remember that it is necessary that your child learns to imitate your calmness and didn’t see what can make you imitate his furious pranks.

Some parents are losing themselves before the sharpness of the reaction towards time-out. It seems to them that this method is not proportional to the fault for which it was assigned. You can make the conclusion that in comparison with the time-out the other methods (for example, physical punishment or shouting) demand less expenditures of time. However, parents who are applying this method are stating that even a child who was at the beginning furiously protesting against it, at the end of the day he is calming down and refusing from his initial bad behavior.

It is very important that children to whom this method is applied, they don’t see anger and irritation of their parents, their furious attempts to defend their authority.

And what is usually done after the time-out? With ending of the time-out, it is necessary to hold the child and switch his attention to some other task. To draw a child away from his initial bad behavior, it is possible to take him from the room and propose him some other toy. Some children are quickly recovering from the time-out and other children are staying sad or staying with challenge. If you only begin to train your child to the rules and in not long ago you forgave his fault, there is a chance that a child in several minutes or seconds will make a new attempt of disobedience. Probably, you will have to begin everything from the beginning many times.

The effectiveness of this method is conditioned by that the child is little by little beginning to understand that it is absolutely not interesting to sit with the silent, boring parent in the same place every time when he is at fault. Probably, you will help to call for help all your calmness and patience but if you are managed to prove more stubborn than your child, then, as a result, you will gain his compliancy till he finds some other way to give a dare to you.

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